Have we messed up desire?
A little over a week ago, I started sharing inside lessons to our online community from our current Desire Mastermind.
If you didn’t know already, the Desire Mastery Mastermind has been one of our most successful, life changing groups to date. So, what is Desire Mastery?
Let’s start with a story about Desire and how it can make or break how your body feels and how you feel when you…
~Wake up and slip into (or don’t slip into) clothes for the day
~Catch your naked reflection in the mirror just before you step in the shower
~Deciding what to eat as you stare at the menu at your favorite restaurant
~Open up your bank statement or write a check for bills
~See your loved one walk in the room
~Spend time by yourself, whether you’re single, married, or dating
Desire permeates into everything and most of all is intimately connected to your body’s health.
Desire influences all of your daily mindsets and daily habits.
With most of my clients, we first cross paths because of the work I do in the wellness world. I’m a certified Eating Psychology Coach, licensed educator, and Desire Map facilitator. I have been teaching, mentoring, tutoring, creating and coaching since I was 18 and couldn’t believe anyone my age would ask me for advice.
But, truthfully, I have also been the rejected one, over and over. I remember one blaring incident on the playground at school hearing the harsh news from one friend, that I was officially exiled from hanging with the group. I was too much.
That freakin’ sucked. It wasn’t the first time I had been ostracized, singled out, picked on, or told I was not wanted, worthy, or desirable.
And there’s that word: Desire.
I grew up believing desire was something we earned from others. We had to become desirable to them to earn their love, attention, affection, and approval.
I desired to feel desired because of the fear of rejection and the fear of never feeling enough.
THIS IS NOT DESIRE.
Desire is NOT something you have to earn. This mindset is particularly harmful because it leads to a flurry of reactionary habits that chip away at your quality of life.
~You give into the packaged image of a desirable body and spend years torturing your own. Why do you think Weight Watchers has seen so much success in SELLING it’s monthly programs over and over to the same women? It’s not because they have such raging success as far as results go. They have the yo-yo dieting system mastered.
As long as women are expected to look a certain way, the beauty industry will thrive on insecurity marketing.
~We buy into the belief that being desired by another is the ultimate hero, love story. My lesson started with the movie Aladdin that I enthusiastically watched over and over as a kid. I played the scenario repeatedly with my dolls shortly after each viewing. Two men fight for Jasmine, the princess, as their prize. Her only happy ending is that she is fought for and won by the “right” guy. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to be Jasmine.
So, I too followed the path to many unhealthy relationships where it was my job to package myself to be desirable enough.
Let’s flip this into the real lesson here:
We have really screwed up this whole Desire thing.
It’s YOU who deserves YOUR desires.
You desire to feel a certain way, and you deserve that. Figuring out what those desires are will dramatically shift how everything unfolds: how you feel, how your body feels, how you show up in relationships, how abundance shows up in your life, how secure and safe and loved and worthy you feel.
Here’s the non-negotiable part:
In order to realize how you truly desire to feel about yourself, in your life, in your relationships, about money, your health, and so on . . . you have to figure out WHAT you desire, and no one else.
The things we do to ourselves are fueled by how we are trying to feel (or not feel).
But, we are also knocked off track by fears, insecurities, and other people’s judgements.
For example, you desire to feel FREEDOM.
~You desire to feel free to love your body.
~Free to have time to yourself.
~Free to create and see what happens when you pursue your sleeping passions.
~Free to go to the spa for a day, without guilt.
~Free to take a 2 hour lunch and read a magazine without interruption.
~Free to be on the receiving end of that massage, foot rub, or bedroom pleasure.
~Free to own how you deserve to feel.
Then you start to feel the fear.
Is it selfish to want this?
What about the kids?
What about the spouse?
Is it reasonable? Is it fair?
Maybe you caught yourself dreaming TOO big. You started thinking of that business you wanted to pursue (or may have been trying to pursue for some time now). And, you fear that it will flop. You’ll prove all the naysayers right. You’ll feel even guiltier for pursuing something for yourself.
You can desire something and talk yourself out of it all at once.
And, this is what has to stop.
It has to come to a full stop because you NEVER STOP desiring what you deserve to feel.
The desire feels smothered, angry, and demanding. And, it will come out all the ugly ways: through habits that don’t get you where you want to go.
Instead of pursuing the pleasure you desire to feel in ways that are healthy and uplifting, you find you crave food. Lots of food. You fill your body with food, or alcohol, or anything else that can hit the pleasure itch.
Instead of loving your body the way it deserves to feel loved, you put it on another diet. You scowl at it in the mirror. You throw your partner’s hand off your belly and reject affection.
Instead of believing in the abundance you deserve, you unknowingly reject money. You don’t feel deserving. You spend on things you can’t explain. Or, you horde. But, it always feels like there’s never enough.
The plain and simple truth here is that we all desire. We can either choose to get really clear and honest about what we truly desire to feel. Or we spend a lot of life in surrender to habits and mindsets that result from hiding all those parts of ourselves demanding to be seen.
Here’s the first lesson:
Really figure out how you truly desire to feel. How do you want to feel when you wake up? When you eat? When you undress? When you lay your head down for the night?
It’s that freakin’ simple to start. It’s the very first place we start in the Desire Mastery Mastermind.
We aren’t open for new members yet while the current cohort is finishing up. However, you can put your name on the waitlist HERE to be the first to know when we re-open and qualify for early-enrollment pricing.
And, I have just one question for you.
If you had one single desired feeling that could change everything about how you feel, what would it be? What do you think you desire to feel most of all?
Be the first to know when we reopen the Desire Mastery Mastermind and qualify for the early enrollment bonuses by signing up for the waitlist below: